March 1, 2010

It was twenty years ago today / The Rectum Leeches proved they couldn't play!

It's true; today really is the 20th anniversary of the first/last date of the pathetic Rectum Leeches Perfectly Good World Tour (actually just one little lame "pay to play" gig at a fleabag venue called "the Cattle Club" that hasn't existed for years). To mark the occasion, I've updated this stupid shitty site that no one even knows about (today also marks the 2nd anniversary of rectumleeches.com going live). From now on this will be the new homepage. Call it a "latest news" or "updates page" or a "blog" or whatever the hell you want, since "you" don't actually exist at all and I'm talking to myself here. I have no fucking idea how often I'll bother to update this turd, but I'll just let the page fill up as I do until the calendar rolls over to a new month. Then I'll archive all the old month's bullshit (probably set up a column over to the right to link to it) and start the new month with a nice blank page. That's the plan, anyway.

I've also added a navigation menu across the top to link to the old homepage (now Page One of the Rectum Leeches Story), and there are also links to pages which will hopefully/possibly (probably never) exist at some future date. I don't have any pics and never will, because the only guy who has them is a fucking asshole flake who can't be counted on to fulfill even the most simple goddam tasks (the bitch who took them might actually have copies still too, but fuck her), but maybe if he ever slinks back to this site, sees that link, clicks it, and realizes it's to a page that will never exist because of his lack of worth as a human being, perhaps some tiny little particle of latent shame will somehow be awakened within him, and he might finally come through on the very simple thing he promised he would do literally years ago. If not, fuck him (and in fact, fuck him anyway, regardless).

As for video, I do have the gig on VHS in a box somewhere, and I can upload it to my computer, convert it into flash files (I'll probably break it up by song), and stick them up on a page at some point for no one to ever see. I have some hardware issues to take care of before I can do that, though, so it will probably be a while. Since I'm the only one who cares, and I only just barely care at that, it probably won't be soon.

The Music link will eventually go to a page with mp3s of all the Rectum Leeches songs. I don't have any of the recordings we made back then (on Boog's cassette 4-track), so I'll just re-record them all myself. That will be perfectly good, for a number of reasons-- for one, the other guys in the band all sucked, so the recordings were shit anyway (in fact, if I remember correctly, Boog got fed up with how horrible they were and threw most of them into the Pit and burned them), and two, it will allow me to include a song that was written too late to make it into the recording sessions or onto our set list (and which was therefore never recorded or performed). It's called "Deep-Fried Abortion," and once I upload it, it will be the first new Rectum Leeches song to debut in over two decades! Isn't that exciting? No? That's OK, I don't think so either.

Lastly (for now), let me just say that since I'm the one who thought to register this domain, paid for it, spent hours creating this site from scratch, and arranged the hosting, it's only fair that I get to be the one to tell the real story of what took place twenty years ago. I do intend to add more to the Rectum Leeches Story at some point, and when I do I'll be sure to tell about how/why the band broke up (the cowardice and treachery of the other three members was to blame). I'll probably also add little tidbits here on this page as I think of them. Once I get the videos and mp3s uploaded, so that the site actually has some content worth checking out, I might even see if I can get some traffic (there are ways). I'll make sure I have the Story finished before I do that, so that anyone who visits will know how there was only one actual cool person in the band (me) and three fuckwads.

Well, actually, Boog was cool for the most part. I don't have too much against him (he could actually play, at least). But as for the other two: Viccory (or however you spell your name), fuck you. I never fucking liked you; you were always a selfish, weasely, dishonest prick, and if I were to run into you somewhere today, I'd gleefully break your fucking nose. Eat shit. And Fella, fuck you most of all, you asshole. Besides being the most whipped motherfucker to ever bear lash-marks across your back, you're also the most undependable, flakiest, mealy-mouthed piece of shit I've ever known.

I think I can honestly say that I wish I'd never met Fella or Viccory and that the Rectum Leeches had never existed. But, since they did-- briefly, twenty years ago-- let this monument to them stand. For now.